Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
my being single is dangerous.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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