Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
