Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I think I sprained my soul last night
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Randomize
