I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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