It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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