I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
