He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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