So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
