people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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