i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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