Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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