i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize