She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
