So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
