He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
