dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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