would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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