my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
