Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
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