whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
