I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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