How'd it feel making her break her religion?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
