I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Randomize
