It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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