Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I didn't shave. On purpose
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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