The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
