im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'm both gender and math confused
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
