you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm bleeding and have questions
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
