You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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