so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
