the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
