I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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