My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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