I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
