take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Randomize
