I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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