i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
