my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
