Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
