i think my mom watched the whole time
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
