So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
