Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
