you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Holy shit dude........stairs
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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