dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
