good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
