Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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