i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
