There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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