Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
