Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize