i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i would one night stand the shit outta him
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
