its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
