No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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