look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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