Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
