He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
