So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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