This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Enjoy the penises
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize