he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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